


Cosmic Lullaby

by Alphawave



Category: Disco Elysium (Video Game)
Genre: Fluff, I just looked at screenshots and blog posts, If this is out of character please note I literally have not played the game at all, Introspection, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Spooning, and just made my own assumptions from there, like the mad scientist I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:14:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alphawave/pseuds/Alphawave
Summary: Harry du Bois is a Rockstar, but he doesn't feel like one tonight. The voices are loud and brash, reminding him of everything wrong and evil about the world and himself.Good thing Kim is here to comfort him.
Relationships: Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi
Comments: 15
Kudos: 56





	Cosmic Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> _This goes out to my newest friend[Luminality](https://archiveofourown.org/users/luminality/pseuds/luminality) for giving me so many resources and just for making me feel welcome in this fandom. I have NOT played the game, nor am I able to, but I HAVE done an excessive amount of research so...that counts? Anyway, enjoy!_   
>  _If you like my stuff, consider following me on my tumblr[@alphawave-writes](https://alphawave-writes.tumblr.com/) or my twitter [@alphawave13](https://twitter.com/Alphawave13) and supporting me there! _

**SHIVERS —** It is 21 years before Revachol will be completely and utterly destroyed. 21 years before I will perish, not by fire or brimstone or gunfire, but by raw, nuclear power. You know this and I know this. Not the people. Not the Citizens' Militia. Not Kim Kitsuragi.

 **YOU —** Shut up.

 **SHIVERS —** The world will end. Your existence will be wiped out. You will be nothing, just as you are nothing. All that you will ever be is the void, a black hole swallowing everything around you. You eat everything to become nothing. I will become nothing, and it will all be your fault.

 **INLAND EMPIRE —** But will you die from the atomic bomb, or will you perish before that?

 **HALF LIGHT** — You will probably die before that. By a gun. By a bottle. By a tight little noose around your fat neck. By a fat little joint against your blackened gums.

 **YOU** — I've quit drinking. I've quit the drugs.

 **PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT** — But have you been working on the rest of your body? Look at the state of you. You're just a pile of fat and bones with a gun. You're a sissy. A wuss. A weakling.

 **YOU** — I said, shut up.

 **LIMBIC SYSTEM** — The fleshy meat-bag your soul inhabits writhes. It twists and turns, light as a feather and as heavy as the world. It’s hot and cold, an ice cream melting in the sun, and just as painful to feel as it is to see. Your body is like Revachol, full of contrasts at war with each other. Just like the city, it too will be razed to the ground, with only traces of its former self.

 **ANCIET REPTILIAN BRAIN** — Come on, Harry-boy, you know what's up. You are the darkness, and the darkness is you. Let your mind go. Let your body go. Give the biggest middle finger up to life themselves by digging your own grave. We both know it's what you deserve. We both know it's what you want.

 **YOU** — Just let me sleep.

 **INLAND EMPIRE** [Impossible: Failure] — Sleep eludes you, just as it always does. Your mind is restless, looking for answers in the meaningless. As always, there are no answers to find. Just a mirror to your decrepit, shambolic state. A mask of what you once were.

 **YOU** — That's it, I can't sleep. I'm waking up.

 **PAIN THRESHOLD** [Formidable: Success] — You open your weary eyes, blinking away the little granules of yellow at the corners. They creak open, bloodshot and tired but working.

 **COMPOSURE** [Formidable: Success] — By some miracle, you don't yawn, even though you want to. You do compromise by letting out a soft huff, silent but comforting, awakening you just a bit.

 **PERCEPTION (SIGHT)** — It's your bedroom, except it's not. For one, you're rarely cognizant enough at this time of night to observe your bedroom in the darkness. It's quiet and serene, your tape player in the corner playing a muted lullaby, your clothes and other non-essentials tossed haphazardly onto the lone chair. The light from outside is muted by the closed blinds, blocking the city's virtues and sins from your sight.

That's another thing that's different. Your bedroom is clean. Not just clean in the sense that you vacuumed, but clean as in tidy. The stacks of paper on your desk are neatly filed. The endless cigarette cartons and wine bottles are nowhere to be seen. You can actually see the floor. You can actually touch the floor with your toes if you so chose to.

 **PAIN THRESHOLD** [Medium: Failure] — Not that you want to. It's cold, and your bed is soft and nice and warm against your body. Also, you're pretty sure that although you might be able to touch the floor, you won't be able to actually walk on it without some serious duty boots.

 **INTERFACING** [Medium: Success] — You feel something brush against your arm, and then the weight of the bed shifting. It's skin against skin. Firm but scrawny arm muscles against your own, fatter arm. It's Kim's arm, and he's asleep, dreaming of everything and nothing in between shades of grey.

 **PERCEPTION** — You turn over to find that Kim is sleeping beside you, shirtless (and potentially even pantsless) in your bed. He's crossed one arm over his chest, the other resting against yours. His face is emotionless and relaxed, a rare sight on him.

 **YOU** — In his sleep, Kim looks peaceful. Handsome.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** [Easy: Success] — Handsome ain't the right word here, chief. He's smoking hot. Like the smoking cool barrel of a recently fired gun and a literal fire tornado made babies, and he's one of those babies. He's the Disco Inferno, and baby, the night is long. Wake him up, do your thing, and you can boogie all night long.

 **VOLITION** [Medium: Success] — You both just had a very hard day of work and you're both exhausted. He won't appreciate being woken up for anything, let alone to boogie.

 **YOU** — I shouldn't wake him. Not tonight. I'll just look out the window or something. Clear my head.

You slowly swing your legs off the bed, resting your feet on the floor…

 **SAVOIR FAIRE** [Formidable: Failure] — …but you did it too quick and the floor creaks audibly, announcing your presence to the stage, to the world, ruining your magic mystery. Kim stirs in his sleep, his face screwing up before his eyes slowly flutter open, taking in your magnanimous presence.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — He squints at you, rubbing away the sand from his own eyes. He makes a low, rumbling noise in the back of his throat that sounds a lot like an angry cat.

 **EMPATHY** [Challenging: Success] — He's tired, and he's not entirely pleased that you woke him up in the middle of the night , but the smallest dip of his lips shows that he's concerned about you. He's worried you're still awake at this time of night.

 **YOU** — "Go back to sleep," you mumble, voice laced with sleep.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "You go back to sleep. What time is it anyway?"

 **PERCEPTION** [Trivial: Failure] —You look around, but can't find your clock anywhere. Or rather, you won't find your clock. You do not need a reminder for how late it is. It's late, and that's the only time scale you need.

 **YOU** — "It doesn't matter, just…go back to sleep. I'll be fine."

 **DRAMA** [Impossible: Failure] — Kim sees through your lie in an instant. He pulls himself up so he's resting on one elbow, which in turn pulls the covers down from his shoulders to his hips, exposing his hairless, scar-ridden chest.

 **PERCEPTION** [Easy: Success] — He's definitely not wearing pants. Or indeed any clothing item that would normally be worn at the waist or hips. He's completely nude under those covers.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** — He's not hiding away from you. Disco city, here we _come_! Population: whatever it was before +2!

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "Are you having your nightmares again?" He asks, concern dripping from his voice.

 **YOU** — You turn your head away for a few seconds before nodding. "Not the same one as last time."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — He sighs softly, patting on the bed. "Come on. Get back in the bed and talk to me."

 **AUTHORITY** [Medium: Failure] — You could argue otherwise, but you can't. It's hard to say no to Kim. You might outrank him, but he outclasses you, and since the beginning of this strange new relationship you both share, you cannot refuse him.

 **YOU** — It's not that I can't. It's that I don't want to.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** [Easy: Success] — Not when he's begging for us like that. Come on cowboy, let's hop in the saddle and ride. YEEHAW!

 **YOU** — You pull your legs back inside the covers and wiggle your way towards him. Kim pulls you forward with one hand, the other tugging the covers back over both your shoulders. Your hairy, sagging chest is in physical contact with his scrawnier chest. Your legs slot together like complementary puzzle pieces.

 **PERCEPTION (SMELL)** [Trivial: Success] — He smells of motor oil and rotting paper and cigarette smoke. A bit strange, because you know he just showered before going to bed some hours ago and he definitely did not smoke at all today, but the hows and whys don't matter. He smells divine to your mortal nostrils.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "What's on your mind this time, Harry?" He asks slowly. "Is it the voices?"

 **YOU** — "Just my own," you whisper. "Mortality and shit. Everybody's great but me, and my mind and my body is a wreck, and I barely understand how I'm alive in this meaningless world. You know, usual shit."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — He frowns slightly. "I see," he murmurs.

 **RHETORIC** [Trivial: Success] — He does not see. Literally, as his glasses are on top of the bedside table alongside a glass of water, a very old photograph of his parents, and his notebook. He also does not see figuratively. He knows your flaws and he's accepted them. Why can't you?

 **YOU** — "Look, it's nothing. Shit's on my mind, is all. I'll go to sleep eventually when the voices in my head shut up."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — His frown is even more severe. "And what if they don't?"

 **YOU** — "I guess I'll just…stare at the ceiling and count sheep."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "Sheep?"

 **YOU** — "An expression." You pause for a second. "I think."

 **ENCYCLOPEDIA** [Easy: Success] — The expression "Counting sheep in my sleep" is an old adage attributed to General Raphael De Chell, who is most famously known to have made up the _Phoenix formation_ (a battle formation still used by soldiers in the modern times) after a dream he had while sleeping at a sheep farmer's home. To this day there is great debate as to whether the story is true or not, and if so, what the true relationship between General De Chell and the unnamed male sheep farmer is. Most historians agree that they were very good friends. The Homosexual Underground argues they were closer.

 **YOU —** Well, that explains all the sheep imagery.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — Kim regards you for several seconds, wondering if you're trying to count sheep right now in the middle of this conversation. After a while he wraps his arms around your neck and places a gentle kiss on your lips.

 **INTERFACING** [Challenging: Success] — You place your hand on his cheek and kiss back with just the right amount of pressure. Kim sighs softly in content. Against your lips, it almost sounds like a purr, or the muted rev of an engine.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** — You could deepen it. Let your tongue slide against his. Feel his breaths against your skin. Go on, he's just asking for it. Three's a crowd, but two's a party.

 **VOLITION** [Challenging: Success] — Much as it'd be nice to get more intimate with Kim, it's not what you need right now, and it certainly won't help you sleep. You kiss him back slowly, trying to replicate the tenderness of Kim's lips. It's hard. Your lips are chapped and ugly, whereas his are smooth and beautiful. When there is no more breath in your tired lungs, you pull away.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "You're doing it again. Comparing yourself to me. Stop it." His words try to bite a little but he's too tired to do that, feeling more like a nip.

 **YOU** — "Kinda hard not to. You're the greatest thing that's happened to me. I'm the worst."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — He shakes his head, pressing another insistent kiss to your cheek. "You're not the worst thing that's happened to you. I can count at least twenty different things that have done worse things to you than you've done to yourself just from our first case alone."

 **EMPATHY** [Trivial: Success] — He cares about you. Possibly as much as you care about him.

 **YOU** — "Aren't I? When you first met me, I was an absolute mess. I lost my memories because I went on a bender, and I still haven't recovered them. In my prime, I used to solve so many cases, and now I'm lucky if I finish one in a week's time." You look at your disgusting meat-bag of a body. "I used to look…well, not good, but better. Much better than this."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "You just said you don't remember your past, but you remember you used to be better looking?"

 **YOU** — You shrug, or at least do as best an impression of a shrug while you’re wrapped in Kim’s arms.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — He shakes his head at you. "Look, maybe you were. Maybe you were the best fucking guy to ever exist. But it doesn’t matter. I’m with you, this you that's in front of me right now, whether you like it or not.” He places his hand over your chest right where your heart should be.

 **ENDURANCE** [Trivial: Success] — You feel your heartbeat running through his fingertips. You definitely have one, if he didn’t give you one just now. It's quick. Too quick for sleep. But it gets slower with every second that Kim is touching your chest.

 **YOU** — "What’s it like being stuck with me?" The question comes out before any of the voices have a chance to intervene.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "Hot. Like a furnace. Have I mentioned you generate way too much body heat?"

 **YOU** — You let out a wry smirk. "That's what you get for hanging out with a Rockstar such as myself. You get the whole package, furnace-level body heat included."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "Yeah right." He curls up into you, shortening the distance between the atoms of your bodies. "The things I have to put up with."

 **VOLITION** [Formidable: Success] — He's secretly glad you're so warm, if only right in this moment because he's cold.

 **LOGIC** [Challenging: Success] — You should tell him what you actually had the nightmares about. About the world ending. About the destruction of Revachol and the atom bomb and the push of the trigger. About the fact you might not even be alive to see it get razed to the ground. About the fact you might be the only one who can stop it, and you have absolutely no idea how or where to start or who might even perpetrate it.

 **COMPOSURE** [Legendary: Failure] — Your throat trembles at this feeling of utter powerlessness, and before you can say anything, a few stray tears run down your ruddy cheeks, absorbed by your thick mutton chops.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — Kim holds you close, reaching his hands down to pat you on the back. "There there. Let it all out."

 **EMPATHY** [Medium: Success] — He's not a fan of crying, but he means every word. He'll take the tears it if it makes you feel better. Anything that'll make you feel better. Anything at all.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** — _Anything_?

 **VOLITION** [Medium: Success] — Except _that_. Not tonight. Not when you're making a fool of yourself.

 **YOU** — You hold onto Kim, shuddering as the tears slowly bead their way down. He cradles your head in his hands and kisses them away, one by one. 

**KIM KITSURAGI** — "You're a Rockstar, Harry. A genius beyond description. The best goddamn detective I know, and my most treasured best friend."

 **INTERFACING** [Legendary: Success] — For a brief moment it's like you can hear his thoughts through his fingertips, speaking directly into the beast in a jar that is your brain. And his thoughts are much more revealing than his words. He's thinking about the strength you must have to live with all these voices inside your head. He's thinking about the love he has for you, and how desperately he wants to show it without saying those three little words: "I love you" because he knows neither of you will be able to handle it if he says it now. Most of all, he's thinking about how he doesn't know what to tell you to calm down. He's just as lost as you are, unable to find the trails for the trees. 

**EMPATHY** [Easy: Success] — Kim loves you. Even if he can't say it.

 **COMPOSURE** [Impossible: Failure] — You're still crying, but the faintest of smiles graces your features. 

**YOU** — Kim loves me? Well and truly?

 **DRAMA** [Trivial: Success] — To the ends of both worlds and back.

 **ELECTROCHEMISTRY** [Trivial: Success] — Like Disco and karaoke.

 **LOGIC** [Trivial: Success] — Like you love him.

 **YOU** — You shake your head, chuckling silently, incredulously at this impossibly invasive piece of knowledge you have learned. You could admit it to him. That you know how he truly feels. That you appreciate him having to babysit you all the time like the man baby you are. That you love him back.

But you won't. You don't need the other voices to tell you that it's unnecessary. He probably knows you love him already. You're far more awkward and clumsy at this loving relationship thing than he is.

"Don't tell Jean, but...you're the best partner I've ever had."

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "Obviously." He rolls his eyes like it's an obvious statement. Like it's the truth.

 **YOU** — "I'm not just talking about police work. I'm talking about this, whatever this is." Your smile widens slightly, the tears finally drying up.

 **ENDURANCE** [Medium: Success] — Your eyes are red and puffy and you're suddenly exhausted, but you muster the energy to add, quietly, "Thanks for sticking with me, Kim."

 **COMPOSURE** [Legendary: Failure] — Kim is still incapable of blushing, but this is the closest he's gotten.

 **KIM KITSURAGI** — "You're welcome. I...I think you're the best partner I've ever had too. In more ways than one."

 **YOU** — You give one fleeting kiss to Kim's chin and then turn over to your side. Kim follow you, pressing his chest to your back, one arm underneath your neck and the other around your rotund belly. The voices are still in your head, but they feel manageable, like you can handle them for one more night, one more lifetime. It's like Kim's presence makes you stronger, makes you better than you already are. You're a Rockstar, but he's a superstar, and he's giving his star power to you and only you. 

**REACTION SPEED** [Formidable: Success] — Before you close your eyes, you hear the faintest "Good night" escape from Kim's lips.

 **YOU** — "Good night," you whisper back as you finally let your eyes drift closed. 

**INLAND EMPIRE** [Trivial: Success] — Sleep is your mistress, and you fall easily into her loving embrace. She has stories to tell, wonderful little things about life and the universe and everything. We are all her captive audience, and she is putting on her greatest show yet. She makes us improvise, calling upon the audience so as to distract us away from you, drowning out Arby and the Limbic System and any other naysayers. You're the conductor, the performer, and the audience all at once, disco pumping your soul as you weave worlds and stories with your magical tongue and your ephemeral fingertips. There are no critics here. Just you and Sleep and the void performing your hearts out, crafting stories about anything and everything. 

And you know what's the best part? They all have a happy ending. 


End file.
